It’s hard to believe that I left my job six months ago. It’s even harder now that it’s nearly October. For the last six years, every October has been consumed by all things Race related. My whole life revolved around finding a cure and educating people on the importance of early detection. While my passion still remains, my loyalties have shifted. I once held a certain organization in the highest regard. I assumed I would spend the remainder of my working career as part of that company and would hopefully play a small part in helping to find a cure. But after having my eyes opened over the past year, I could no longer remain. It broke my heart to leave. I felt as though I was letting my friends and those I had lost down by walking away. But you can only be a door mat for so long before they wear you down to nothing.
Now, with October right around the corner, I feel lost. I had hoped to land with another organization and put my energies into another event. It hasn’t happened. I’ve pretty much interviewed with all the major charities, even made it to the final round a few times, but never received ‘the call’, just the ‘we’ve gone in another direction’ letter. After a while, you begin to question whether or not you’ll ever get back in the game. That’s where I am now.
Everywhere pink is popping up; fundraisers, walks, runs and more. The ribbon is showing up on everything and everyone’s getting in on the breast cancer awareness campaigns. But where do I fit in? Every time I see a pink ribbon, I get depressed. It reminds me of what I have lost, not only friends, but now my career. Yes, it was my decision to leave, but I somehow feel as though I was pushed into it. That little pink ribbon that used to give me such pride to wear, now stings like a hot poker on my chest. I just wish I could find away to let go of the anger and redirect my energy back into finding a cure. For now though, everything pink turns my world blue.